Anne Peasley
Anne Peasley is a writer living with chronic illness in the Pacific Northwest who believes in finding joy in every possible situation. Her hobbies are cooking, making art, and waiting on hold to schedule medical appointments.
Recipe for a Diagnosis
Great for when you have an abundance of extra symptoms. Serve this dish as part of a menu with your favorite chronic illness and ongoing therapy. If you have extra energy, add in some regular life on the side.
Serves: 1
Total Time: 9 months
Active Time: 40 hours
Ingredients:
7 medical professionals (divided)
5-6 lab visits
1 unnecessary course of therapy
3 hours of research with ChatGPT
1 CT scan
1 ultrasound (to placate insurance)
1 MRI, with and without contrast
1 semi-effective therapy
Follow up phone calls and messages (optional, but recommended)
Preheat oven to 350° F/175° C. Bring your symptoms to the attention of a medical professional. They will tell you it’s normal to feel that way. Continue to consult medical professionals and gather vague answers. Add in the lab visits and a course of unnecessary therapy. When a diagnosis is not clear, set aside to wait for a referral to a specialist.
Meanwhile, add your online research to a bowl and stir vigorously. When you find a solution that seems plausible, gradually introduce this to your medical professionals. Be very careful when incorporating, as the mixture can be volatile. Sprinkle in follow-up calls and messages as you go, checking for understanding along the way.
When the referral is ready, consult your remaining medical professionals. Begin the semi-effective therapy. Add in the CT scan, ultrasound, and MRI, waiting at least 2 weeks in between each addition. (Tip: two of the medical professionals may consult each other without your knowledge, this may work to your advantage.)
When it’s clear that the previous approaches didn’t work, consult the one medical professional who actually listens to you. You know you’re approaching a solution when the two of you have a conversation about how your situation does not have a standard treatment protocol. Set a timer to follow up in three months, to see if your quality of life has improved. You may or may not have a diagnosis.
Serve with over-the-counter medical supplies at your own expense.
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