waning

Katya Miachina

Katya Miachina is a writer, podcaster, organizer and facilitator, raised in the domesticated steppes of Ukraine, currently nesting in Berlin. In their works, they explore identity, its loss, and transformation in the portals of transitions and ruptures. Applying magical thinking and mysticism to everyday things, they dig into the liminal capacities of being a human. They host “digging for the fall” on 90milradio and are a co-organizer of the Transient series in Berlin.

waning

heavy like a concrete block

heavy boobs heavy arms heavy thoughts

dragging me down

nagging

like an old crow i see no sense no joy

waning moon

with her back turned to the face of the world

hiding, uncaring

still bothered

i don’t have much to do, so i do nothing

purposelessly pacing around the house

uncorking wine and inviting demons out of their cages

diving deep down dopamine drains

in my bed with my phone

its hand on my throat

i moan

connect me to someone

let my heart grab onto somebody’s forearm

let them drag me out

drug me

hug me

pump me with their love and affection

desire me out of misery

i’ll do anything for it as long as

i don’t have to do nothing

my walls look down on me

an icy wink from the sink full of stink

it’s giving depression, my love

i dip every month into her sea

submerged just for a bit but long enough to see

to elicit the taste on the tip of the tongue

microdosing despair

every 28 days my womb poisons me

exhausted from fighting it, i surrender

dissolve into the toxic juice of my anxieties

as i submit to the lies subletting the rooms in my mind

as i stitch my banner from them

there’s need in this, i tell myself,

in dipping into darkness

recreationally

after the death, rebirth

after the tower, star

the ticket out the carousel is hope

i hope my blood breaks soon