proof

kreatu

kreatu is a mad, disabled being that tries to write through Leine crazes and crashes.

proof

Having been killed in this world

of yours (of ours)

after one too many times

waking up in another

where I don’t have to breathe

or be alive. Where I can stay dead

brain-dead

heart-dead, feeling-dead.

Losing legs

hips

arms

ribcage and ears

losing my head

sliding from view

from existence

being buried

losing the world

slipping

away

without

anyone noticing.

Panicking about really actually

dying in this world

physically,

about the urge to jump

floating in such a removed place

that no one would notice

the body on the ground

bloody and contorted.

Not knowing how to survive

or how to come back

to a place I don’t want to come back to.

Not knowing how much longer I can

force the breaths

the heart.

“there was a point where everything bent down

and it took something from me

something i can’t quite explain

and i always wondered if it would come back

and love me the way it said it was supposed to

but maybe it lied.

maybe it was all a lie.”¹

^{1 Ethel Cain „Housofpsychoticwomn“}