Estelle Nowack
Estelle Nowack is a model, artist, autistic person, person living with a chronic illness, and speaker. She’s from Germany, was born and raised in Ravensburg, and now lives in Augsburg. Her work includes, for example, photography, acrylic art, writing, social media content, and video. Various aspects of her artistic practice have been featured multiple times in the Freitags im November event series.
Estelle works from a clear inner perspective: neurodivergent, physically challenged, yet unwaveringly adventurous. Her chronic illnesses are part of her everyday life, but not a reason to remain silent. On the contrary, Estelle uses her voice and presence to bring neurodivergent perspectives and a life shaped by chronic illnesses out of invisibility and give them space, form, and a public platform. She hopes to break down stigmas in the process.
Modeling: www.instagram.com/miss.nowack
Art & Chronic Illness: www.instagram.com/chronicart.condition
WIR SIND WERTVOLL
My alarm goes off. I tell myself, just 5 more minutes, 30 minutes, oh, give me a few damn more fucking hours. Let the potato rest for 5 more minutes …
My head is pounding, and exhaustion ties me to the bed. How can I be that drained?
But my full-time job (aka chronic illness) is calling me. What else do I need to do to get my health back on track? How many more doctors, physical therapists, labs, and so on do I need to call to better understand my freaking body?
How many more reports should I collect, and how many more symptom diaries and questionnaires should I fill out? I track my pain, my migraines: symptoms like nausea, dizziness, flare-up episodes, and so on. I fill in column after column, year after year. And yet, no coherent picture emerges.
I sit there with all this information, and no doctor has the desire or time to piece it all together with me. Yet putting things together is usually so much fun…
I make the rounds from appointment to appointment. My data, a block filled with countless pages, like back in school (you could’ve just used a binder, Girl*, but let’s stay fully ADHD), always in tow. Every time, I have to retell my story. It’s practically a striptease of my soul and body in front of doctors and medical assistants. Only to hear: “Have your vitamin levels been checked? Maybe you’re low on iron? You’re way too thin, after all! Did you drink enough water? That’s just how it is with women…”
I can’t stand hearing it anymore. And I don’t want to either. I am tired.
This system is wearing me down. We need help, not just another empty phrase, another misogynistic remark, or more sexism.
For years, I fought my way through. Diagnoses came late or are still pending, but that’s the case for many FLINTA* people (even if that doesn’t make it any better or easier).
But I’m getting back up. I’m looking for a job that values and supports me and my skills. And Girl* I do have many skills. I want to see the world and gain experiences. And I’ll tell you this: I’ll find that suitable job, I’ll travel, and I’ll shout it out to the world. I’m getting back up, for all the other Sick Girls* out there and for me. I’m giving it another shot. Thirty-something, there’s still a lot to come, I tell you.
I’m getting back up, for all those who can’t anymore. And you know what? That’s okay, too. Everyone does what they can. YOU ARE VALUABLE. No matter how much you can or can’t work.
I’m not staying silent anymore, because I want (!) things to change. We matter. It’s about time the medicine realized that. WE NEED STUDIES, and not ones that focus on how our illnesses affect our partners or whether we’re prettier when we’re having certain sicknesses (Experiences of male partners of women with endometriosis-associated pelvic pain: a qualitative study; Retracted: Attractiveness of women with rectovaginal endometriosis: a case-control study).
It’s time for things to change. I’m still tired, though.
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